Right an epiphany at work today

For the past three days people have been acting cold towards old 

Emma Lee. I guess it started the morning some shitbird I'm privileged to know.

I'm serious about the shitbird part really it's not a privilege. 

This little fucker is a manipulative vampire who lives to gossip and put people down.

If your this fuckers friend he will try it on you.

Anyway I got off topic 

I had a dream to be a warrior in The Israeli military,instead I got to be in the rabbinical corps.

It really shook my confidence, well my dear vampire friend decided to open the wound 

and rub salt in it. He contacted me on Facebook to tell me the army is treating him better than me. 

In short I bought into it and it really fucked up my week.

I tried to explain all this negativity that boiled up into my system 

but I couldn't express the emotions with words or the guy I was talking too just didn't understand it.

So now I have another scar because a few people I look up to give me the silent treatment now.

Well I learned I got to take the lesson and walk away.

whats the lesson 

You gotta pick who will and who won't affect you,and it takes more than just 

saying ok I'm letting go all of the shit from the past in order to be free today.

I don't know exactly how to let it go but I know I have to find a way.

"your that mad at me?" You G-d damn better believe it

I was on the train today minding my business looking at all the graffiti.

I looked over my shoulder and turned back to my business.

Some over sensitive gump tried to get on my case.

I told him he was tripping and got back to my business

Well hot damn here it is

I don't like seeing kids running for there lives cause some fuck up robbed the 99 cent store.

I don't like hearing about twelve year olds getting gunned down in front of their house.

I don't like hearing about the times me and my mom slept  inside a bath tub because of drive bys.

I don't like remembering the bodies lined up on the side walk

I don't like people claiming they represent and protect a neighborhood when they destroy it.

I don't like gang bangers, I don't like politicians, I don't like people deciding how I should,

or what I should,or where I should.

I'll think and believe what I want, I'll associate with who I want, I'll wear what I want.

If you got a problem with it go to another country, cause America just aint the place for you.

On some treal shit 

Fuck a welfare state where papa Sam will take care of you from the cradle to the grave

I need uncle sam to protect me and pave my roads, I need Uncle sam

to help people empower themselves. I need uncle Sam to figure out what works and what doesn't.

Educate yourself read a history book and recognize the patterns in time 

that keep happening and try something new.

  

They caught me listening to Rush Limbaugh"crunchy mussar"

I wanna start this post with a 

big fuck you to all you dematards who don't like people who decide to get themselves informed before making a decision. Two i wanna give a bigger fuck you to those people at the voter registration place on Atlantic ave in bixby knolls who lied to me and told me it was too late to register. 

Just because you figured i wasn't gonna vote for Obama. 

Your right I was gonna vote libertarian.

You fucks sit and bitch and wine about I.d. requirements to vote ,

Than when I come through you lie to me because i'm voting for the wrong guy....fuck you.

Don't front like you represent freedom, you represent power hunger.

You talk about freedom and liberation yet you empower no one with your bullshit.

Instead you keep your voting blocks dependent you keep your voting blocks 

from becoming empowered. Your great guilt driven ideal of European socialism doesn't work,

my case and point Portugal, Spain, Ireland,Italy,Greece, Cyprus,.

Furthermore having your gumptards followers hating on me for exercising my freedoms of

Information thought speech only makes me hate you more.

aim lower kid

Well today I got another part of a rude awakening.

This is not the economy to dream with.

Some socioeconomic classes of people can't afford to chase dreams.

and some environments are so toxic they prohibit dreams.

Some people are dealt the cards of peasants.

Peasants don't dream and they don't own they get "taken care of"

They work they grow old they die.

They don't have time to dream they don't have any passion except for survival.

I am a peasant I had a few dreams I chased but they were all for nothing.

so now I jut want to survive. Now I go for the stable job that pays the most,

and I resign my life to almost enough is fine as long as I have cable and coca cola.

What can I say other than one man can angry at the system

One man can say he's tired of being played with by the fuckers up top.

but in the end if he's alone than no one will hear him.

This is reality this is how society has been engineered

this is what has worked, so now I have to except this shit

just like all the other shit I have to deal with

weather it's relatives saying you can eat here to save money, but than lock the door 

and ask me hey where has all your money gone?

Really I'm just pissed off, I'm tired of being played 

I'm tired of having to smile and say thank you when every thing isn't just cherry 

 I'm tired of people condescending on me or putting evil eyes on me every time I try to do something.

I'm tired of people taking liberties with my privacy.

Weather it's governments employers or family members.

"me smiling" thank you all your two faced bullshit has done enough damage

Fallen pilots and other news

Today started out as a downer.

I checked the news and read about a chopper crash, and two widowed families. As an airman it affects me  

too. Nobody likes to see their team take such a hit. Sadly that's just one of the costs of war.

We lose people even in routine exercises.

I know right now their are a bunch of people in a flight group pretty well shook.

It's a hard feeling to have"did I do my job right, Did they go down because of something I did or didn't do"

After that there is the other pilots who formed a brotherhood with these two guys, mourning the loss of a friend. After that there is the Flight commander who has to ask what if? The what if's go on for a while,

but in the end The flight commander also lost a friend,brother,son.

Than who comes before all those guys the families.

The wives who let their husbands give the best of themselves so everyone could be safe.

The families who lived with the anxiety of watching their guy be there for everyone else.

The families who watched their guy go off to battle.

The families who stood behind their man. 

In the end these guys gave the best of themselves 

and all we can say is thank you.

Too all my fallen soldiers Thank you 

every time I'm in Israel and I feel safe It's because of people like you 

who gave all for everybody else 

Going balls to the wall all in

Hello my dear friends.

I know it's been a while but I can honestly say I've been busy.

I wanted to get a motorcycle but the old man told me if I get one i'm kicked out of the family.

I wanted to go fishing in Alaska,but I found out it's harder to get on the boats these days.

In short I know exactly why I want to do these potentially self destructive things.

There are a few reasons 

• One I wan't to be a woman or womanish, but I can't so now I have to act hyper masculine or macho
• Two I wan't attention I want to feel like my family cares, note that when I say my family I mean my estranged immediate family. My real family has had my back for the last 9 years.
• Three The ladies I figure ladies dig guys with interesting lives. 

I'll be honest I dig the idea of being a motorcycle rider.

I dig the idea of being a Mercenary man,doing all the crazy stuff 

with the big payoffs. You know Fishing in Alaska or joining a group like black water.

I think it would be awesome to be a cross dressing Helicopter pilot.

Well unfortunately I will have to resign myself  

wearing panties  under nurse scrubs instead of a flight suit.

Or wearing my panties under some other work cloths that isn't

a flight suit.

I only wish they would hurry up with 

the biological 3d printer I see some applications I've been waiting for for about a lifetime.

well until next time paca.