I'm not that kinda.....whatever and a few questions

Yesterday I was on the L.A. metro blue line.

I was minding my own business sitting in my seat. When someone came and sat in the seat across from mine.

This strange bugger kept staring at me, so I nodded and took out a book hoping he would leave me alone. I figured he was just another one of the nuts who takes the train.

Well my hopes weren't met the guy put his leg against mine. I moved my leg away. 

he did it again I put down my book and said no.

The man apologized and I got back to my book. 

Than at the next station he followed me up the escalator, and on to the next train.

So I got off at the next stop and waited for the next train.

As flattering as these things are it's just not my thing.

I have to say though it was better than that one time in Tel Aviv

I was a young soldier fresh of the base in his Dress uniform, I was at the old central bus station.

A place infamous for prostitution. I was on my way to Shenkin  when this guy 

wanted to buy me a soda and have a chit chat. I saw the lust in his eyes. So when he went into the store 

I booked it full speed with my kit bag on my back. 

Once again flattering but also stomach turning .

I don't know why these guys think I'm something sweet.

I don't know why they always wanna get something from me. 

What i'm really asking is how come woman can't be that bold.

I mean sure I'm an asshole because well I don't have game or whatever 

it takes to convince a girl that i'm the right choice. 

Or maybe it's just a fear of getting into a relationship and than having to come clean about all 

my Anima's secret's. 

I mean if I got with a woman would she feel threatened by my feminine side?

Would she think I'm trying to replace her or would it be just plain old disgust? 

How would I find a girl who would be comfortable with that?

Or how do I make a girl feel comfortable with me. to began with? 

Lot's of questions about that,but no questions about those nasty men trying to 

get it in with me It's just not my thing. It's just not gonna happen hell doesn't get that cold and if it did it's still a no.

Well I'll figure all that out when I get there 

until than I just gotta keep working out and handling my business, cause according to recent 

events that's just really sexy

so until next time paca   

Something I observed and decided

I watched a Russian war movie. 

In English it's called purgatory. It a movie about The battle of Grozny 150 motorized rifles .

It's not a pretty movie but in reality it was a very ugly war. 

In the movie there was one scene where

The Russian Commander told a tank 

to grind the bodies of the dead into the earth, so the Chechen wouldn't  

be able to decapitate them and throw the heads back at the soldiers.

The scene was very gruesome, but It gave me an epiphany about life itself.

The Dead soldiers can be likened to bad memories or regrets 

which you could use against yourself. Which could demoralize you, or make 

you harbor hatred or fear. 

So the tank is you casting those memory's out so 

you can continue on your journey without such things.

In all honesty though this scene was very gruesome 

and aside from the sound affects the movie gives a pretty accurate

picture of the war in Chechnya. This is according to the guys who were actually there.

I watched it because my friends in basic told me to.

They served in the armies of Belarus Ukraine and Russia before they came to Israel.

I guess they wanted me to understand the Military from their countries.

Once again who cares about their citizens less 

My views on the war in the middle east, and the fall out

Ok I'm sure many people have their opinions about the war.

It's been going on a long time. Me I lived in Israel for six years.

I served in the military there. I lived in Jerusalem, Tel Aviv and the West bank.

I have had friends from every tribe living in the land.

One, the war is perpetuated to keep populations under control.

That's what war is. The crusades were a way to kill off the peasants.

The Jihads of the day are to keep the minds of the fellaheen"peasants in Arabic"

from turning on their respective dictators. The Israeli army is used as a tool

to indoctrinate the population into being controlled.

Two,war is just another hustle a way for the big guys to swindle the little guys.

when there is war there is money to be made.

I'm talking weapons munitions uniforms fuel food r&d. 

When there are six permanent members of the u.n. security council 

who also happen to be the biggest arms dealers in the world you get the idea.

Like how Israel and egypt get geared up by America now as well as Turkey and Greece.

well they are armed to fight each other, and they keep buying new arms to keep up with each other.

Look into it.

Three, Arabs and the fall out they have gotten.

When I was at a low point in my life. A friend of mine named Hyman,

a man I smoked hashish and played cards with, a man I broke bread with, a man I partied 

with. Also an Arab hooked me up with a job and taught me how to lay tile. 

This was after I walked the streets of Tel Aviv and hit up every place I saw Looking for a job.

I had holes in my shoes and I cut two notches in my belt from all the weight I lost, my neighbors would give me money to go buy bread, thats how much weight I lost. 

I wasn't starving mind you, but I wasn't eating so well or taking bus's.

Well I new Hyman was a good man,but because there were a bunch of idiots

who hurt other people because of their extremest ideologies, the security at the bus station wouldn't give him a break. 

The same with another friend who was a d.j. who would take me to shows and hook me up 

with drinks. 

I guess being born and raised in America I didn't have to live with old world bullshit.

I played basketball at school with people like Achmed,Sheruk and Mohamed 

I sat and read books with people like Usama, and when 9'11 happened 

I told Achi"Achmed if any one gives you trouble give me a holler. 

Well I went to Israel I joined the military I did my thing, I came back to America 

 I put my Israeli military experience on my resume.

I apply for a job at seven eleven, well soon after that I'm a killer 

and a pig and they make sure that I see the headlines of the war 

when I buy my coffee. 

I go to a cafe owned by some Lebanese 

I have a friend who died fighting hizbullah in Lebanon 

I hear rumors that the hash they send over the border has asbestos and adalin"a drug to get junkies of herion"

mixed with it, but this is America and all that old world bullshit 

stays over there in the Old world. 

So I clear my mental of all the old world bullshit,because they didn't kill my friend

and they didn't poison my drugs. 

The people at the cafe are nice and they make really good coffee.

So there it is I don't agree with the war. I don't like the fall out it brings people I don't like being called killer or pig. Just Like I'm sure Hyman doesn't like getting extra scrutiny at the bus station,but

until humanity gets a clue this is how things are gonna be. 

Until humanity gets a clue every tribe will fight and every Man will have an obligation to his tribe.
As long as there is war there is injustice and there is warriors killing each other and Innocent people
dead as collateral damage that's war that's how it always will be, and as long as there are people
shooting missiles into Israel there will be Israelis Retaliating.  

I resent that fact, and I resent all the governments and the Extremists who perpetuate 

this bullshit, but I will all ways advocate for people to defend themselves especially
Israel,
 I know the numbers and I now that tit for tat and how tired it is getting,
but after negotiating for nearly twenty years what other option is there?
On the real ask your self can I negotiate and compromise for twenty years
with the same group of people and end up back at the starting point with every concession?
Would I have the patience to deal with that?
If the answer Is yes I find it hard to believe.
If the answer is no than I reckon your as normal as any other man
and there's nothing wrong with it.

In short if anybody Thinks I'm part of the hive mind

or that I'm hating on Arabs it's not true.

I hate Hizzbullah I hate Hammas I hate Fatah 

and all those other assholes.
I hate people who listen to too much Immortal Technique or Lupe Fiasco
and than think they know whats going on.
To those people I say FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING LAME ASS HIVE MIND
 You assholes picking a side in a fight you have no connection to
other than a rap record or one sides propaganda
only encourages and perpetuates  more bullshit.

I Hate the West and The soviets for fighting their war with 

other people in other countries. I hate the notion  

of a savior coming down from the sky to enslave humanity, and make the world a country club for

fill in the blank there are many guilty parties.

I hate the Idea of G-d telling one group of people that the kingdom of heaven 

will be built on the death or repression of others. Or that only one path leads to 

G-d. I know it's bullshit if that was so, than why is there many ways to get to staples center 

or many ways to get to grandmas house?

If Man is created In G-d's image than don't you think heaven would be accessible

like any other place, i.e. in what ever way gets you there 

In which ever way lets you take the ethical high ground.

That's another thing I will get into some other time, why it's easy to 

do rituals but drop ethical teachings. If you do the rituals but you don't take 

on the ethical ways than your way with religion is like necrophilia.

Treal

So I finally Found Gary Johnson(the libertarian candidates) answers to the debate,and other miscellaneous stuff

Well it came a few months late,but I'm glad I found the video.

now anyone who wants to know where I think politics should can watch the video

It still kinda piss's me off that we got a two party show,of course those are the consequences 

of having two party groups of people cutting checks for the media.

I started working out again it feels great.

On Sunday I lift with my Dad Than twice a week 

I do push up's and sit ups. I'm looking to increase these to five days a week.

also I started belly dancing,why you might ask well one it stabilizes the hips,and the spine.

Two I can do It while I'm watching t.v. 

I'm looking to add a yoga routine for the morning.

My Dad told me sun salutation. I used to have qualms about it,but 

I think in the end blessing the sun isn't really such a big deal as Long as you know 

who G-d is. 

This just leaves cardio

I wanna get a membership at a pool, I figure 

all of this together will make me allot more shvelt.

In the end thats what we all want right to be shvelt 

From the mouths of babes more drama in Compton by the sea

Right This is another rant.

I rant here because no one has the time to listen to my pain, 

No one wants to hear me.

In other words due to the circumstances of my life.

socially my life is like Ice frozen.

It's not without unjust cause I believe.

I have been hurt or betrayed or abandoned by pretty much everyone.

Everyone who is my blood everyone I have trusted everyone I have let inside.

So these days I keep distance these days I sabotage things to keep from being hurt.

Anyways From the mouth of babes.

Or children echoing the sentiments of their parents.

If someones father screams at me to stop talking like a nigger 

in front of the customers I'm upset.

If someone does it twice I'm hurt.

When this person whom I happen to be related to has his daughter 

saying Things like I don't like you I don't like your people.

It drives a wedge. 

When she says I don't like you, or who are your people. 

It's paints a pretty clear picture.

My Mom is mixed half black half white 

my half brother is as dark as Wesley snipes.

My waking environment was La Brea Gardens 

at La brea and Jefferson right outside the Jungle in South Central Los Angeles

(they changed the name to South L.A.)

The people who cared for me the other children I interacted with 

guess what color they were.

I also happen to be Jewish 

I have another part of my family and another part of my life.

When things got real sour and I was put in the foster care system. 

 a year laterI was taken in by the orthodox branch of my family My great Uncle and his children. 

It was great not having to live with people who did it for the money,

or people who were perverts or peder-ass's(ask Walter).

I am thankful, but I am still myself.

I am honest and I keep my mind open

So when I see someone selling someone else's television"which needed a bulb to work" to 

a person I work with and respect like a friend, and when I see that the person who owns the T.V., another friend doesn't know 

that it's getting sold I will say something. Especially when I stated to said owner that I will take responsibility

for said television . I will jump in and make sure everything is straight 

Afterwords for doing the right thing I'm a traitor.

If I call someone a kike, not a nice word but a word I use 

for Jews who fit a negative a stereotype, just like a black person fitting a negative stereotype is a nigger. Than now I'm a Nazi.

So I'm still living with this family but now 

I got these cousins who live next door playing games,they think I don't know 

but their Daughter showed me the truth.

Now they go around and buzz like mosquitoes in my Uncles ear.

Now my Uncle doesn't talk to me so whats the deal?

My Great Uncles grand daughter and her husband have been gunning to 

mess me up but why?

What exactly have I done  

to deserve that 

I can think of a few things but of course afterwords 

I checked the hindsight saw my wrong and owned up.

I figured after apologizing we could be cool again 

but I have been shown once again when I trust someone,

they will try to hurt me.

Alas this is just one incident in a quarter of a centuries worth.

These little things have affected me so much that I can hardly

relate to people that are functional and I can't trust people 

who are trying to help me because I always think it's a ruse.

So I sit Isolated and locked in with my emotions.

Nursing the wounds that get opened again and again,

and even when I do the right thing like go to school or get a trade 

I still can't get a good job or a pat on the back(I don't really need that shit anyways)

Just a cold silence or an epitaph thrown from afar like an arrow from around a corner.

Locked in with my emotions.

Locked in with my frenemys . 

I have a question for them 

what do you want exactly, what are you trying to do and why?

Gun Control and recent events

It seems only in America do we have random acts of violence.

Only in America do we have random nut jobs shooting random people.

I'm not surprised that this happens now that Obama is in office.

In other words since he has been in office there have been more shootings.

Do I drink the cool aid....hell no

I call bullshit I call a false flag operation, I mean why is all this shit happening now?

I don't know but I have an Idea.

I watched the movie the life of David Gale.

Spoiler alert: The asshole faked a wrongful conviction 

so the death penalty would be abolished. 

So here it is maybe these assholes were programed to do this maybe

ol Uncle Sammy is trying to disarm the population. 

I mean that's what I could gather from all the mall,theater,school shootings happening lately.

If I'm wrong prove it If I'm right prove it

No need for theology I'm just jacking technology

Many people have this strange notion 

about I'm right your wrong,and some savior is gonna fall from the sky and make me king.

Namely All the soul paths that were refined from the teachings of Avrahm. 

Well It's funny because I believe everyone is right. 

Sorta like Light is really sound, Or rather G-d spoke and the world came into being.

Cymatics every theology has some teaching alluding to cymatics.

Light and Vibration or rather sound.

Well every Path has it's prayers and meditations 

every path has energy meridians they find in the body, every path has attributions to these.

Weather it be colors sounds emotions or organs of the body.

Me I was born a Jew  I still am a Jew I will die a Jew,but it doesn't stop me from using 

technology which is easier to access. In other words Saints or Tzadikim all seem to be the same,

All saints refrain from the profane all saints work to keep themselves pure 

of negative thoughts and negative actions.

Except that some saints keep their knowledge from the everyman.

For example Kabballah they keep it hid, while The average Jew doesn't get the benefit of 

doing the work he needs to align himself for the journey after earth.

It infuriates me, but because I know there are other technologies  

that work I use them. 

I just feel it's every mans right to obtain a higher way,

and if you keep it from him than you are in bed with death itself.

If you don't like that's too bad because it is what I believe

   

What have we learned/Wow I think I'm off the whole need for my anima manifest

                                                            In The bible they spoke of a city

a city where they had a special bed for guest's. If said guess was too short they would stretch him out,

If said guess was too tall they would cut him down to size.

It seems that figuratively keep catching people trying to put me in this bed. 

It gets irritating after a while. 

Of course I'm sure many of you have experienced this bed.

I'm sure many of you don't like it, that's understandable . 

The question is what do you do to escape from said reality.

In truth fantasy is wonderful but it will never get you out of the bed.

Me I got plans and I have taken action. So soon my friends real soon 

I will be sleeping in a normal bed with a big old down blanket.

So aside from education, I have another Idea/action I'm going to add 

to the construction of my proverbial ship. Autosuggestion ! 

Everyday I'm going to wake up and look in the mirror, Everyday I'm 

going to tell my reflection whats going to be. 

Weather I Tell myself 

I"m going to be happy 

I'm going to be independent

I'm going to be wealthy 

I'm going to be healthy

I'm going to get over all my setbacks and hang ups 

I'm going to find friends 

I'm going to find a girlfriend 

I'm going to execute everything I plan 

so I will let you know how everything goes, but privy to the fact that this has 

worked for a few millionaires I know, I think It will work just fine.   

In other news I think I'm done with the whole 

needing to project my Anima[look up Carl Jungs theory about this]

Or for survivals sake she has decided that now is not the time. 

Honestly I don't care anymore. I'm a man 

who has some issues with his self and with his upbringing 

but now that I'm able to think about it more clearly.Or rather 

not obsess about it I think I'll be okay.

I think it had allot to do with looking in the mirror.

It would be silly for me to go about fully cross dressed. 

I'm a big Man I have big shoulders big hands big feet,

and since I have started working out again 

I have grown to appreciate how I am. 

I wouldn't eradicate my Anima or her little ideas 

nail polish and a few of the tats but I'm definitely not 

looking to be to fem these days.  

The Truth about Happiness

You really want the truth ok Here it is.

It seems that happiness is always a fleeting feeling. Happiness always comes with some outside factor,and after a short while this artificial happiness disappears. Weather this happiness 

comes from a girl or a stack of money or maybe even a can of strawberry soda,after a short while it gone.

So here it is the truth about true happiness.

True happiness comes from within. True happiness isn't affected the game of the world.

You find it within and you build yourself and you cultivate your happiness, so that all the bullshit and all the drama that is not a part of you won't take away from your happiness. 

If you don't believe me read these books

The game of life.

The way of the peaceful warrior

Mantrayam 

Illusions:the adventures of a reluctant messiah   

THese are the books that have kept me busy I hope you will read them 

too.

Selected patient

Well I'm back and better than ever.

I have allot of good things going for me right now. 

My G.E.D. is almost here I scored well over passing on everything except math. 

I got my learners permit for driving My security guard license came through, I'm waiting for the postal service to hurry up right now I'm only on the database. 

Yet it seems there are relatives out to sabotage my ship. 

They wind me up and than when my fuse gets eat up and I explode they run and tell on me 

to Bubbie and Ziede. So now I'm the bad guy, thats ok though 

because G-d see's everything so when you place stumbling blocks before your fellow, He notes

it and than when it's time to collect he demands payment. So they can play games and pretend 

like they fear G-d, they can follow the commandments and act like saints 

but G-d knows the truth and in the G-d will collect the answers 

As far as I go I will stay on my path of success.  so now I leave you with this song.